I Promised King Princess Erotic Fan Fiction
(and Their Management A Show Review) So Here’s Both*
Still taken from Too Bad / Cursed (Official Video) Directed by Quinn Wilson
Last year I interviewed Mikaela a.k.a King Princess for Astrophe’s Print Issue 5. During the course of the feature interview I was shocked to find they had not read any of the King Princess erotic fan fiction I had easily found published online. As someone who has a hit single (‘1950’) attributed to the lesbian cult fiction novel ‘The Price of Salt’ by Patricia Highsmith, and who happily admitted to reading online lesbian fan fiction as a teen, I had to rectify this oversight. Luckily, they toured Australia recently and I got to see them perform not just their new album ‘Hold On Baby’, but also a back catalogue of songs because they hadn’t been able to tour Australia since the 2018 ‘Make My Bed’ shows. Based on both the shocking information about their lack of self-stalking and the incredible live show, I have written an erotic fan fiction review of the Sydney ‘Hold On Baby’ show. This is my gift to you Mikaela.
It was a hot room. I had only nodded my head to 6 people I had fucked before in the first 10 minutes. A pretty low count for Sydney lesbians to be honest. Good. Orgies can get boring if you’ve already been around the swimming pool.
Staring my way through the crowd I found a spot where a voyeur could be happy, of course I knew at some point I would be taken in by the energy of the crowd. Already I saw that my friend’s wife was in front of me grabbing fistfuls of another woman’s ass.
The theatre filled and was no longer the Metro, but our own KP safe room. They start the set, immediately setting fire to the stage with the song ‘Little Bother’ (usually featuring Fousheé, but solo tonight). And I’ll tell you what, everyone was more than a little bothered. You could smell it rising up into the folds of KP’s sparkling suit jacket. The ultimate blazer lauding its sexuality over the transfixed audience.
KP yells “what the fuck is up, I missed you, you look so hot”, like we were all their partner after a long trip apart. You could hear the room tear up ready for an intimate fucking.
KP’s midriff slid deliciously out of their sparkly suit and several people immediately came (it’s ok, we have stamina and can have multiple orgasms). For the rest of us the caress of songs like ‘Winter Is Hopeful’ conflicted with tracks like ‘Change the Locks’ from ‘Hold On Baby’ added emotional tension to the heaving mass of moisture that was us.
As the songs diversified so did the activities of the crowd. Mikaela made a sub to tape the LBGTQIA+ flag to their piano with electrical tape and several people in the audience passed out from pleasure, just to be stomped on by the crowd and enjoy it more.
Mikaela yells “Let the young Queers decide what art its” and the baby gays whipped themselves into a flash photo taking frenzy, phones ablaze with torches lighting up scenes of deep pashing and wandering fingers. They actually don’t stop taking pictures with torches and flashes. The whole show. It was a relentless erotic discotheque that inevitably burnt the retinas. Worth it.
At the announcement of new song called ‘Julie’s Watching’ about the hot MILF dance teacher in the studio next door to their flat watching Quinn and them fuck, the entire audience moaned as one.
Despite the surrounding chaos Mikeala was a gracious and accommodating host, at one point they even drunk out of a shoe to make sure the foot fetish community felt comfortable. Although the podophiliacs were already happy with the dangling feet of the people who were edging all over the vibrating speaker stacks.
They also encouragingly yelled, “Don’t ever let anyone tell you what to do, especially men in suits” and several executives who had “come to watch” quietly slunk out through the back of the room.
As I was aggressively bent over the lighting booth I noticed the screen of the lighting techs phone scrolling through reddit. As with all reddit users, he seemed too absorbed to notice that his entire booth was covered with people who were actively being fucked in a red and yellow glow of his own making. It was an aesthetic and sonic joy of a concert.
With most queer fucking, there is an extended encore. This show was no exception, featuring long drawn out bodily emotions with ‘Sex Shop’ (an apt choice for that room), and the classic banger ‘1950’ bringing us to our final close. Exhausted bodily and emotionally we all hobbled out into the light of the street, patting backs and retrieving items of clothing, awash in the glow of our correct life choices.
I can say I am speaking not just for myself, but also for the rest of the crowd who were there with me, hopefully it doesn’t take 6 years to recover until the next one. Oh and in case you thought this was exclusionary, my straight friends also liked the show.
*This is a completely fictional comical reimagining; we are almost certain none of the above occurred
Words by Alex Officer
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