A PLACE CALLED HOME
A bedroom bathed in pink light with smooth silky sheets, a red lip shaped telephone next to the bed, and Ballroom posters on the walls. A giant mirrored studio with a stack of TVs constantly playing ballroom clips. A lounge room of books, half drunk cups of tea, and comfort. The soundscape of Ballroom commentary filtering through a hallway lined with framed photographs of community, joy and movement. A chalk family tree spreads across an entire wall while the sounds of future competing Ballroom Houses laughter comes from the smoking Balcony.
It takes love to make a family, it takes a community to know yourself, and it takes history and care to make a House a home. Absolut has teamed up with The Alex to make this home a reality as part of their House of Absolut series of experiences for Sydney Worldpride. Astrophe spoke to curator of Absolut’s House Of Homes Xander Khoury (Overall Father of the House of Silky), Blu Jay (House of Silky), Rocky Stallone (House of Silky), and Julai (House of Dévine) about how the Ballroom community provides space for its families.
This installation is about home and families. Can you each pick any member of your House and just tell me two or three of the beautiful qualities that they bring to your family?
Blu Jay
Shin, we laugh together. We share a bond in the way that he also is now a Father to Ballroom members and is literally facilitating so much space for the Ballroom community. I think that he is one of the best members of the Ballroom space because so far it's only been a year and a half, a small amount of time to be doing so much.
Xander
For me, I think I think Gusta is really special in our House. Gusta is one of only two Indigenous Vogue femmes in this country. I think the only one in this state. And I think what they're representing and really opening up the door for is really special and important. They should be put up as much as possible. I'm really excited to see what the future holds for them.
Julai
My one would be Angel The qualities that stand out for me with Angel are that they have such a nurturing heart. Angel was my example when I was like 16 in the area, the South East, and Angel was the only Queer person that I knew. They're much older than I am so it was it was cool to have that example because a lot of time I felt alone. They have the ability to really set the tone. They come in with such a positive energy and they can really make an environment feel like the best environment. Shout out Angel I love you.
Rocky
I would say my one would be the Princess of our house Akashi. When I first came into the House it was nice to have Pacifika Islander connection with someone else. There's something about being in a room that’s filled with Pacifika Islanders, you just radiate their energy. Just being in a House and being able to share that with another person, and them being a friend for you. Seeing her journey going from a year ago to where she is now and mentally being where she is, I think is a beautiful place. I'm proud of her and I'm happy to be along on this journey with her. I love that she's got children now as well. I see her with her kids and I think she's on her way to becoming a powerful entity in this space, so I'm excited for that.
Same question but for yourselves, what qualities are you proud of bringing to your House?
Xander
I think for me the biggest qualities I bring to this house are leadership, a lot of care and loyalty. I love all my kids fiercely. I'll protect them and do what it is that I can for them as well. My goal and my responsibility is to lead them, but also uplift them so that they can then lead as well.
Julai
I think qualities that I see in Angel are qualities that I see in myself. I have so much love to give. I feel like I work really hard as well. I feel like I can also be an example for the new generation that's coming in in Naarm. I have kids of my own that I want to pass on that knowledge and that purpose. That’s what I bring to Ballroom and my House.
Rocky
I would say I bring Aunty vibes. You think of your favorite Aunty and that’s me. I bring the KATA and the vibes. I'm here for the kids, just like my parents here are. I love to be the Aunty to the kids, I love being there for my House siblings. I love just doing life together with them. We swim, we laugh, we eat together. I think the best thing about being in this House, and what is easy to bring, is that aspect. To actually nurture and love one another, we're all supportive of each other, which is what I love for us.
Blu Jay
I feel like I bring an expansive mind. I think my position in Ballroom is curiosity and thinking and pondering. Not just with my costumes and categories, but with the people in it. I think I also offer care in an introspective way where I want people to find themselves through other things. We are all finding ourselves through Ballroom, but I think at the same time we have to find ourselves outside of it. I think that’s important. What are we getting from Ballroom and how can we armour ourselves with that power outside of it? Then we come back to Ballroom even stronger, knowing what our intentions are. I think it's important to always keep those conversations open and I always like to have that present with people that I engage with. Also essentially giving anyone the autonomy to have freedom in this space. It is still needed to be said, which is kind of sad but at the same token really beautiful.
I wanted to create this House of homes because it's meant to be an interpretation of what a house would look like if Ballroom people actually lived here. It's meant to feel familiar, it’s meant to feel like where we would live if we had grown up with accepting parents, and accepting our identities, and accepting who we are.
- Xander
Everyone has different career paths and creative talents, how do you go about harnessing and supporting that for the Ballroom scene?
Rocky
I think each House brings something different. With Silky being one of the nightlife and fashion houses we’re blessed that everybody plays into all roles in different industries. So we're able to bring back great opportunities for our House to be able to represent in Ballroom. Then there are also houses in different states that do the same thing but from different aspects. We’ve got The Alexander's in Meanjin who do a lot of cultural and traditional stuff, and they also do a lot with the community of femme queens. Then we’ve got he House Of Dévine, Julai’s House. They’re one of the more performative Houses, but then they bring that true Ballroom flavour, you can never deny their essence. I think we all represent ourselves in different ways. For Silky we are definitely the fashion nightlife House, but we're also becoming everything else.
Xander
I say to my kids every time we talk, the House of Silky is a launch pad for whatever it is that you want to do in the world. It's not the be all and end all. Come into this house, use this house, there is a network of over 25 people across the country to get you to where you want to be in life. If you want to be a dancer, or want to be an artist, if you want to be an accountant, we will do whatever it is that we can to get you to that point. So that's how the life aspect then integrates the Ballroom aspect.
How do you pay homage to your predecessors and ancestors?
Blu Jay
I think starting in 2019, coming to my first Sissy Ball for Sydney Mardi Gras and then going back to Naarm was one of the most eye opening experiences because I'm American, I was born in Philadelphia, and then moved to Adelaide when I was two. I think being a part of Ballroom is literally my culture. I think for me, it hits such a sentimental part because I don't know my mother and father's culture. So I think to find Ballroom, especially here in the diaspora, it gives me a sense of purpose and a sense of identity in a way where I can align with the cultures and the communities and diaspora’s here. But I can also be aware that there's an intrinsic truth to what I'm doing in conjunction with this. It makes me emotional because I felt so lost growing up. To understand myself in situ with this culture, as well as my inherent cellular land, culture, background and heritage, it just means the world to me to be a part of it.
Do you have any practices within your Houses to keep each other real in the crazy busy times?
Xander
Absolutely, for instance we have elders meetings with all of the first gen elders and we all check in. We talk about our kids and we talk about where they’re at and who needs help and what can we do to support them. We also have House meetings, like right now we're so deep in the thick of everything and everyone's everywhere. So yesterday we had training and brought everyone in just so that we could be in the one physical space together and just reconnect and check in, and reground ourselves so that we can continue moving forward as a unit for the rest of the month.
Julai
As a house, we always get together. I guess you can say we were the first House in Naarm. So there are a lot of responsibilities that I think we have. For example, me and Angel have taken on the role of creating space for the new generation. I think it's beautiful that we've had to go through the trials and learn our history and everything, and now we can pass that on to another generation. Being much more equipped with knowledge in both performance and history we can educate the next generation so that they’re well equipped for Ballroom today in Australia. But I reckon it's always things like family time, not always just Ballroom. We go out and have dinner together, or go out clubbing together. There's Dutty (@duttyworldwide) which is such a big part of Ballroom and nightlife. And it's cool that we all get to get to get together with family and community. We try not to make it just always Ballroom.
Xander
And that's the point of this is, I wanted to create this House of homes because it's meant to be an interpretation of what a house would look like if Ballroom people actually lived here. It's meant to feel familiar, it’s meant to feel like where we would live if we had grown up with accepting parents, and accepting our identities, and accepting who we are. That is what I envisioned and I created this space because I want the community and the Ballroom kids to come here and hang out and have those moments outside of the Ball together. Like the girls are like training in the studio next door while the others are like kiki-ing and hanging out here, and if someone is dead tired and they can have a quick nap. I just wanted it to feel really homey and familiar. That's why I've got things like mugs which we already drank from. It should feel lived in because it’s supposed to be lived in.
So in terms of opening up that personal space to the public, what was the intention behind that?
Xander
I think it serves two purposes. It has the purpose for the Ballroom community. For other people it's so immersive and I want them to come in and realize that Ballroom is just one part of our lives. You know, I get on a train in my little suit and go to work. No one on that train knows I vogue down. It’s just a part of our lives. I guess it plays on the idea that we don't know what people are going through in the background. And the way that this is laid out there are so many educational pieces around these rooms. There’s archive footage with soundscapes. There are Ballroom books to study in here, so there are things that people who don't know about Ballroom can also still learn about Ballroom in a respectful way, and in a respectful space. They can also see Blu’s artwork of the family tree, which is massive. It shows you how deeply rooted and connected to the scene we all are and how that is a real family structure and lineage that exists within this space.
When do you all have the most fun?
Rocky
The Cluuuurb.
Xander
After a Ball.
All
(laugh) definitely the aftermath.
Words by Alex Officer / photos by Simone Taylor / Thank you to Xander, Rocky, Julai and Blu Jay for your time and hospitality.
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